accschinese.com

Managing Differences Makes a Difference

Way back in the early seventies, there was much talk about diversity – gender, race, ethnicity, vertically challenged and horizontally challenged people for that matter. Today the list grows longer – smokers and non smokers, well mannered mobile phone users and yahoos who leave their mobile phones on in cinemas and in my workshops! So people are different, end of story! Or is it the beginning really?

For me, differences are always a beginning. Every morning, when I wake up, I start to manage differences. Especially in Melbourne. The plan to cycle and swim from last night changed drastically this morning when I heard the weather even before opening my eyes. Wind howling, rain pelting against my windows and the sun gone on holiday. So managing Melbourne’s difference in weather means, no bike and no swim, but writing this editorial instead. It also meant managing my own attitude. I believe that managing differences requires a certain attitude. That is the challenge. What is this attitude? I guess it is an open and trusting one. Being open to the universe and trusting that whatever the weather will be, the outcome will be the same – gratitude and joy. To be grateful for yet another day whatever the weather – to be able to do this results in joy, a tingling in the body, a sizzling of the soul.

Managing the differences diversities in body shapes is another awesome challenge if you travel in planes as much as I do. The chairs are all the same but the bodies in them are so different. I have sat next to bodies that fill out the whole chair and half of mine. I have sat next to bodies that smell of cigarettes or cigars. And beer. I have sat next to tiny bodies that are being suckled at their mothers’ breasts. In between mouthfuls of milk, these little bodies, somehow manage to emit screams that are louder than mine. In short, I have known different bodies in my travels. And they are trials and tribulations sent to grow me, especially from Melbourne to LA.

Managing differences in the bedroom or boardroom is another challenge. It requires the same attitude in order for you to make a difference. An open attitude of trust is based on information and knowledge of differences – the whys and wherefores of the other person’s difference. However, equally importantly, you need to know the why’s and wherefore’s of how you are different from the other person. In a global world, every situation is filled with “foreigners”. They are different in ethnic background, age, gender, etc. so how do we manage the differences and here are some tips:

*Manage your own Self – by knowing yourself, both the conscious and unconscious bits of you.

*Manage the other person’s differences – first tackle the obvious difference, ie their accent, their rate of speaking and their way of listening. Then you manage their not-so-obvious differences, that is, their psyche and their unconscious culture.

Finally, I urge you not to walk away from the challenge of someone who is totally different from you. Or a situation that is totally different from what you are used to. Let me finish with a little story. Many men and women tell me that they are looking for a soul mate, someone to share a life with – they walk around looking in supermarkets, in parking lots, dance halls, parties, pubs, and the Internet. They all have a list of criteria for whom they are looking for and when I examine these criteria, they are often a reflection of their own – same attitude about money, time, pleasures. In short, the other body must match their own. Remember that opposites do attract and when the dance is over, you need diversity to be creative.

Numbers have been traditionally regarded as significant to the Chinese for a variety of reasons. Numbers are related to the Chinese cosmological system. Numbers represent the nine stars (xing) that symbolise the essence of the universe. Numbers also represent the five elements or five forces of the universe: gold, wood, water, fire and earth. All things on earth are classified according to these five forces.

Numbers also represent the eight directions coinciding with the eight ancient numerical symbols of the eight trigrams of the I Ching or the Book of Changes, one of the Confucian classics. The I Ching is a book of prophecies based on the yin and yang, the female and male forces in the taoist cosmological vision. To the Chinese, numbers hold special significance for every facet of their lives. They symbolise  changes and therefore affect every moment of their lives and are an intrinsic part of their conscious and unconscious minds.

Numbers also carry masculine and feminine qualities. Chinese numerals can be either yin or yang. Even numbers are yin while odd numbers are yang. So for example, one is yang and it symbolises unity. Two is yin and symbolises symmetry. In this sense, Chinese always prefer to use even numbers whenever a hong bao or red packets of lucky money are given.

The ancient Chinese were very in tune to the forces of nature. Chinese were the first to discover the magnetism of the earth and the first magnetic compass for seafarers came from the hands and minds of the Chinese. They also made close observation of the planetary system and discovered the art of feng shui nearly 3000 years ago.

Chinese have always used numbers and numerology to foresee the future, to interpret dreams and to justify superstitious beliefs and practices. Even the sound of a number can signify good luck or death. Thus eight is a number that every Chinese wants for the car or telephone number because it sounds like ‘swell’ as to grow bigger and bigger. Four is avoided at all cost it sounds like ‘dead’ or to die. Other good numbers are six for the Cantonese speaking because it sounds like lu, meaning luck and nine is considered to be very good as it symbolises longevity. It is a number for all kinds of partnerships as these will be long lasting if carried out on the ninth day.

This is a little verse that Chinese children were taught to remember some numbers.

Jiu shi jiu (99)

Chi fan jian san kou (eat three mouthfuls less of rice)

Chi liao bai bu zhou (having eaten, walk 100 steps)

Nian ji huo dao jiu shi jiu (you live until 99)

“What language do you think in – English or Chinese?” Curious Australian friends would sometimes ask me when they know that I can speak Chinese but write in English.

“It depends…” I hesitated. It is a question that does require me to stop and think.

“On what?”  they would prompt, their curiosity insatiable.

“Well it depends on what I am thinking about.”

“Oh.”

“ Well if I was thinking about sex, I think in both languages but if I am thinking of Sociology, the subject I teach, then it is in English or more precisely sociologese. If I am thinking of my mother, I think in Hokkein.”

Writing in English poses a challenge for those of us who speak in other languages and dialects. For me, writing fiction with Asian themes and Asian characters speaking in their own tongues and then putting their words into English so that the reader is able to understand and feel what is being conveyed – this is the ultimate challenge for my imagination and my use of the English language. This must also be so for the few Chinese writers who pen in English. I often wonder if they have great leaps in consciousness like myself. Take for example,  the novelist, Betty Yahp. A passage from one of her interviews illustrates this challenge as she describes one of the characters:

“It’s because the world she’s living in is changing. It’s progressing. In colonial times I was thinking about, where English was most important, and because government worked using this language – it was the main language. So knowing how to read and write English was power. The Grandmother, she’s canny. She figures out: I don’t know how to do this stuff. I’ve got to figure out how to do it. There are these nuns teaching little kids how to read and write, so she figures out: I’m in there somehow, infiltrate the system, and find out what they are doing. ( Jan Ryan ed: Chinese in Australia and New Zealand, New Age International Publishers , New Delhi 1995).

In discussing her novel, Crocodile Fury, Yahp pinpoints the strongest tool for the social construction of realities: language. Sociologists have pointed to the power of language in its socialisation of the young. Others have scrutinised the ways in which language as a system of signs and symbols manages to reconstruct realities. That language also has a reality maintenance function is without argument. So what happens inside the head of a writer whose subjective reality is Chinese and whose sole written language is English. Are we schizophrenic, one part of us in the English speaking world and the other in the Chinese world we came from?

There are not many of us in Australia: Chinese writers creating fiction and poetry not in their own mother tongue but in English. These writers create in their works a dance between oral history, fiction and autobiography, and they document experiences drawn from the backdrop of China, Malaysia, Singapore and Australia. Most of us especially those of us who have lived in Australia for many years and write in English, have to shift from one  cultural reality to another like a chameleon. As such, we change colours constantly. Sometimes this is to camouflage and protect ourselves, sometimes to paint rainbows after the rains, but most times changing colours is unconscious. We may not recognise ourselves. So who is the real or true self: our Chinese self or our Aussie self (or English or American)?

This is a topic fit for a PhD candidate so I bid you adieu for now yilupengan (along the journey peace).

Learning a new language is very exciting. The most thrilling moment for me when I was studying Italian was when I discovered that through the language I could get some insights into the psyche of the Italian people. This is because language forms the most significant part of a people’s culture. When we learn a people’s language, we usually also get acquainted with their culture. Language is the bridge to a people’s psyche and their way of life.  Being able to cross that bridge is in fact the basis for effective cross-cultural communication.

Learning Chinese enables us to understand Chinese people and their culture. For instance there is an underlying belief that language must not only be functional but also beautiful for the Chinese. The importance placed on the beauty of things is intrinsic in Confucianism, which is still very much the foundation of Chinese culture. it has survived regardless of what political systems used by Chinese all over the world.

One of the beliefs central to Confucian thinking is the concept of learning how to be human. Part of this process is learning how to cultivate the beauty within ourselves and outside in the physical environment. When we learn how to appreciate beauty, we also learn to listen to the voice of our soul. Thus in the Chinese language much emphasis is put on learning how to do calligraphy and write poetry. In its spoken form, language should be refined, and words should be strung together to be musical. This is of course very much related to right brain functioning. In this sphere of the brain lies our feelings.

When we learn Chinese, it is best to do it with both your head(intellect) and with your heart (feelings). In this way, you achieve a whole brain approach bringing together your yin  and your yang, the feminine and the masculine in all of us.